East Coast Part #3: Providence Cyclocross Festival

What a blur!  What a weekend!  What a trip! This weekend was a serious roller coaster of emotion...all over.  With the saddening passing of Amy Dombroski you could tell in the air people were sad and doing the best they could to hold in their emotions.  While I was never given the opportunity to meet or know Amy, it's very clear how much of an impact she made on the cycling community as a whole.  My condolences go out to her friends and family, she will always  be remembered and truly missed.

Saturday  was welcomed once again by the amazing crew from Gloucester.  They are the best East Coast family out there!  Thank you, once again!  Not only was I welcomed by my new family, but also warm temps and sunny skies, yet again another dry race!  As much as I love mud (which I do because it's a lot more fun to race in), sometimes I welcome the dry weather because it's such an easier clean up, and I know how I could potentially fare against the other women!  With mud, there is this sense of mystery, I don't know how everyone else handles their bike in mud in comparisons to myself.  Last year, I didn't get to race many UCI races in the mud, I believe the only race was in LA, what a shock!!!!!  So, even though I love the mud for cross, I can't lie and say I wasn't disappointed with another sunny day (I mean another suffer fest).  After my first lap on course I knew I needed to get a 2nd lap in so I could dial down the lines, the course, and all those corners!

Once again I lined up 2nd row and had a terrible start.  I think by the first couple of turns I was 15-20 spots back.  I fought my way through the girls and ended up in a group of 4 by the end of the first lap.  Going into the 2nd lap we gained another rider, and then another, so our group of 4 turned into a group of 6 and I wasn't into that.  The only thing that kept running through my head as we were riding in this little group was "the bigger the group the more people I have to contend at the end and the more rubber-bandy-feeling this race is going to be".  I wanted to go through each turn at my pace and through my line and all these wheels in front of me where in my way!  Guess what I decided to do?  I attacked the group at one of the only straight sections on course!   Yea that's right, I used some individual tactics that day, and once I realized I had a gap, I pushed harder to make it a little bigger!  Then I went through the start finish and saw "3 to go" and my first thought was (excuse my language) "FUCK, I should have thought about this before I made that attack to solo the rest of this race".  I didn't think about how many more laps I had to do, so I started regretting my decision to ditch the group.  Basically I worked my tail feather off to hold off the group-o and finished in 10th!  Top 10 on a C1, no complaints here!

Sunday was a different story, I woke up in a total funk.  Lets back track to Saturday...post race I was happy with my result, as the night went on I started to get down on myself, for multiple reasons I wont list here.  So fast forward back to Sunday morning.  I woke up in a funk, missed home, missed my husband, didn't want to race.  My head wasn't there, I sat in my hotel bed holding back tears from loneliness and homesickness.  My head was in no state to race.  I decided to walk over to the window to see what the weather was doing...it was pouring.  That's right folks, pouring rain all morning long.  While I welcomed the rain because sliping and sliding in the mud is always lots of fun, it made me nervous.

Once at the course I learned that just because it's raining 6 miles down the road, doesn't mean it was raining everywhere else.  The course was hardly muddy!!!  Yes, there where slippery sections when I arrive, but there was also still dust!!!  I did one pre-ride (maybe it was 2?) as close to my race as I could since I knew conditions where going to change by the time I raced.  Turns out the course wasn't all that slippery or muddy.  Turns out, the course was slightly tacky.  I went about race this day in a very different manner.  My head wasn't there, and I just didn't care.  I was lucky enough to line up behind Katie Compton, so I knew my start coudln't be THAT bad!  I had a great start, made the first couple turns in the top ten.  Rode with a groupp-o that turns out was slowing me down, attacked the group in a techy section and rode forth.  Caught 2 more girls up the way from me, rode with them for a lap, attacked them, and then guess waht...I was in 5th.  From here I rode in 5th until the 2nd to last turn of the race when Meredith Miller caught me.  I rode her wheel for the last turn and onto the pavement when all of the sudden...she accelerated and turns out...I didn't!!!  I didn't have th response in my legs for that power, so I came across in 6th.  6th place!  6th place in a very stacked field, I was extremly happy!!!  I guess all I need is an "I don't care attitude" and a little mud.  A lot of the mud wasn't all that slippery, just a couple of sections, then the rest was either dry or tacky, I would actually say they where quite fantastic conditions.  I got done with the race a very happy girl!

I'm so thankful for my husband who tried to cheer me up and is always rooting for me no matter where I am.  For Dave who told me to ride like no one cares, and for all my supporters back home.  Every weekend I feel your energy and I am so grateful to have such a loving community of people at home.

East Coast Part #2: The life of a "professional" bike racer.

I'm going to be honest when I say this.  If I didn't have to work and all I had to do was train, rest, and race, I would be completely satisfied.  This last week hanging out on the East Coast in Rye, NH has reminded me why professional racers go fast.  Honestly, I think those of us who work should be given a lot more props then those who don't work, and for those who don't work...you should go fast...all the freakin' time..all you have to do is train, rest, and race (Okay I know it's not THAT easy)!!!!!  Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I wont quit my job, but certainly would love to cut back my hours, but I can't because I need money to pay for this damn sport I'm in.  It makes me wonder if those I'm racing against realize how much I spend (and you my readers have donated) out of my/our pocket book.  For those who are on teams and have never done this on their own, they don't know what it's like and how difficult it is!  You know what else is hard?  Not knowing many of the competitors I'm racing against, not knowing the media, or anyone around for that matter.  I feel like I'm this little star working for brightness trying to find her place.  While I am so perfectly content being a lone, sometimes I want a friend with me.  I want someone to walk around with and talk about the race, the best part of the course, how much fun we had, or didn't have, where we could have worked harder, or why for some reason after 5 laps I just couldn't manage to perfect that one corner.  It's not too much to ask for is it? Okay, enough with the sad talk, let me tell you how awesome it was to forget about work, train on the seacoast, and live with some awesome hosts (by far the best I have had).

Basically, Thursday and Friday I was in a coma from the red eye flight and time change, Saturday and Sunday I raced, so Monday I relaxed.  I was left a vehicle in the event I wanted to go anywhere, so I decided to check out Portsmouth, which was about 9 miles away from where I was staying.  This little seacoast town was SO cute!  It reminded me a lot of Fairhaven back home.  Brick buildings, cute shops, everything adorable.  I did some shopping and found myself a new pair of Seven Jeans (as if I needed a new pair).  My justification for my jean shopping was:

1. No tax in New Hampshire
2. I raced really hard over the weekend and earned $200 in prize money, so I really deserved the new jeans.
3. I hadn't bought new jeans in a year
4. My jeans last me a long time since I hardly wear them because I'm in spandex 90% of my life.

Later that morning I received a text and my awesome hosts asked if I wanted to go for an easy spin down their RailTrail (I would compare it to the Interurban in Bellingham, only pancake flat).  It was a beautiful day, and I couldn't say no to that, so all three of us rolled out to the trail in the late afternoon, spun down the trail, visited and enjoyed the beauty of the color changing trees.  Spin out day done and it felt SO good!

Tuesday, Jeff (the husband host who owns the shop) has the day off, so I took my time getting out of bed (completely slept in until 9am), ate a little breakfast and then we rode into Portsmouth (SO CUTE) and sipped on coffee and ate delicious baked goods and rode home, where I completed training day #1 of the week.  It felt soo good to ride down the seacoast and the scenery is just fantastic, and did I menage how pancake flat it was?  The best part after being done with training?  I get to rest!  I didn't have to rush off to work or stress about being somewhere, I literally got to sit on my ass.  Wednesday was kind of like Tuesday, slept in, trained and had a generally awesome time, and then rested some more!  Man, this no working thing is amazing.  Training day #2 completed!

Guess what I did Thursday?  I slept in till 9.  I had a very relaxing morning and then decided an awesome spin to the beach to hang out would be the perfect way to spend my day.  And that's just what I did, cruised around the neighborhoods, sat at the beach and drank coffee.  My perfect day.  Friday was the usual "open the legs up" day and pack up for the weekend because Providence, RI isn't close to Rye, NH and I was leaving bright and early for the races on Saturday morning and staying the night there on Saturday night.

Here is what I learned after a week of training, resting, and NO work!  IT'S THE LIFE!  I seriously feel like my training is such a higher quality when I was able to get the proper amount of sleep and rest needed to allow my body to re-cooperate after training.  Every day was a solid day of riding that I know in a couple of weeks will really pay off.  I never thought my work was that exhausting until my chiropractor pointed it out to me.  He pointed out to me how active I am throughout the day and how the line of work I am in can be very tiring and it's important that I get the proper amount of rest and sleep every day so my body can rebuild.  He's so smart.  Now, about that sponsorship, who wants to sponsor me?  :-)

Providence race recap next up!

East Coast Part #1: from lows to highs.

As most of everyone knows, I travelled to the East Coast for two whole weeks to do some bike racing!  Really, the thing that brought me out here was seeing pictures and videos from the races last year and I thought "wow look at all that mud, I want to race there".  So, when planning my race schedule I knew a trip out East was a MUST!  The only problem was the whole financial thing, truthfully I shouldn't be spending my money on plane tickets and luggage to race my bike as a "hobby".  At the end of August I looked up tickets and saw round trip I could fly to Boston and back for about $350.  I sat on this for awhile, I ho hummed over the whole thing, and then one morning before work I shut my eyes, bit my tongue and purchased the tickets with the thought "these tickets aren't going to get any cheaper".  I decided to take a risk hoping that somewhere along the way I would be able to do some fundraising to cover the costs of the ticket (which thank you to all your generosity, it has been covered).

My dear and ever so excited friend Dave P. set me up with some host housing in New Hampshire.  After re-organizing myself from Vegas I ended up unpacking just to pack again and take a red eye flight to Boston on Wednesday night.  Thank goodness for Big Daddy McFadden, who flies like it's going out of style, he gave me all the tips and tricks to sleeping on a plane and getting on East Coast time STAT.  Since I was trying to find the cheapest tickets possible, I booked a red eye flight out of Seattle for Wednesday night.  My flight went pretty well, I was somewhere in that half-ass sleep mode, and then all of the sudden we were landing.  When I booked my ticket I envisioned empty rows after empty rows, thinking "who in their right mind takes a red eye", so I figured I would have 3 seats to stretch out and sleep on.  Turns out I was dreaming up a false reality and everyone else is just as cheap as I am, the flight was 100% full and any form of stretching and real sleep, well that didn't happen.  We landed in Boston just as the sun was cresting out of the Atlantic Ocean, which was the first for me to see.

In a comatose state after exiting the plane, I found my luggage, which I am sure is a site to see for spectators around me.  Picture this....one bike box, one checked bag (not small by any means),  one carry on messenger bag and one little person to carry it all, I'm sure it's quite something to witness.  I sat around the airport entertaining people with all my luggage, and waited for the bus to come pick me up, only to wait at the bus station for my host housing to then officially pick me up!  After being picked up we went directly to the bike shop that they own (right on!) to put together my bike.  I so wish that I remembered how to put my bike back together, because that morning was one for the books.  I was lacking in sleep, brains, and any kind of confidence.  I couldn't put my derailuer back on correctly and then once someone helped me put it on, I couldn't get it to shift into all the gears.  So in my Courtenay manner I sat there twisting the barrel, when inwalks who...not going to say names but our convo went something like this:

"Wow, you're doing your own mechanic work"

"yea...and I'm having issues"

"You need a mechanic with you.  Don't you think it's kind of...like...low class to work on your own bike"

"...um...well...you gotta do what you gotta do"

I had this joke with my dad before I was married, saying how my income was low class, and I was low class (thanks Chris for putting us in the middle class category now).  I called myself low class because my income is minuscule, but my dad always corrected me, saying I wasn't low class.  So to actually be called low class, while I was sleep deprived, and while I am traveling on my own (which has it's own issues in itself and is very difficult), well that was a low blow and left me in tears, not the best way tostart the trip.  Thankfully after this I was able to grab some lunch and go take a nap to catch back up on some lost sleep.

Lets fast forward to race day on the East Coast.  Here is what I noticed...not much is different on the East Coast versus West Coast.  A cyclocross community is a cyclocross community no matter where you are, and people will take you under their wings no matter who you are.  I was welcomed with open arms, like I was one of their own, to the Gus'/Raleigh Cyclocross team for the weekend.  Everyone was so friendly and inviting, I felt like I was right at home, thanks guys!!!  I can't say how appreciative I am for all of their help, cheers, and general awesomeness.  I even found myself a mechanic that could pit me for me, and he was the best.  I asked him if he could come home with me and travel to all the races, but I guess he has a job or something?  He did everything and was the most fantastic person to have around for the weekend (well everyone was, but he helped a lot)!  Thank You Erin!  Jeff (the owner of Gus') was even kind enough to lend me a demo bike from the shop as a pit bike, incase something went terribly wrong.

Remember how last year I travelled and raced around to get UCI points, well not only where those awesome for Nationals, but this year I got a 2nd row call up.  Pretty awesome if you ask me!  So we lined up under the bright sunny sky and warm air (oh and a very dusty course) and started  up a nice long pavement section with a right hander onto the grass.  The first day I thought I was being all sly and moved up the right side on the pavement only to find out why no one was moving up the right side....I went from about 5th/6th wheel to....I don't know top 15/20 in the blink of an eye.  I was swarmed by riders and before I knew it I was behind a line of people.  I spent the rest of the race chasing, attacking, smiling, and having a good time, but when I look back on the ride, I know where I missed my chance and where I let the wheel in front of me go.  Not a good idea!  Must stay attached to wheels.  On the last lap I realized I had moved myself up to 7th place.  The only thing I would change about Saturday's race would be...concentrate, focus, and race harder.  I tend to get distracted by the spectators and when they say stuff to me....I want to respond.  Must...Focus...More.  I finished 7th.  POINTS!

The following day I decided I wasn't going to move up the right side and I wouldn't get pinched on the right hander.  But still somehow I found myself swarmed by riders and once again spent the race chasing hard and working on staying on the wheel in front of me.  Every time the wheel in front of me got gapped off I would have to move around the rider and find those wheels in the front!!!  Then...I realized I was in the chase group!!!  YEA!  There where 2 riders up the course riding much faster than myself and I was doing everything I could to hang onto and race against the gals in my group.  One of the gals was able to gap us, so now we were racing for 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th.  I tried really hard to get in front of the gals and not get gapped off their wheels, made up some time thru the barriers, but turns out the other 3 where much faster for the up hill finish then myself.  I lost the finish in my group of 4 and finished 7th, once again.  MORE POINTS!

The highlight of my weekend was being interviewed for the first time (do I really sound like that)?  I then realized being interviewed post race is really difficult, I kind of get race brain and can't think properly!

http://dirtwire.tv/2013/09/gpcx-2-courtenay-mcfadden-big-fish-from-seattle/

I am extremely thankful for everyone and their help to get me here!  I thank my cyclocross community in Seattle and I thank the new cyclocross family I met on the East Coast.  I am (as always) stoked on my Mad Fiber wheels and I super duper dig my PDX Clement tires.

The bright lights of Vegas

Vegas Vegas

Vegas

I could do with not going to Vegas again, but honestly I will probably get lured into going to Vegas again.

That city, the lights, the traffic, the people, the chaos, it stresses me out!!!  Last year when Chris and I went to Vegas we left on Monday and returned home on Thursday, that was too much time in Vegas.  We said the way to go would be head on Tuesday and come home on Friday, so you could be serious before the race and then play after the race.  Well, Chris wanted to go, and I wanted Chris to go, but he could only go if we returned home on Thursday so he could go to work Thursday evening.  Yes, we left on Tuesday morning and returned home on Thursday and we both went to work at 4:30pm on Thursday after we returned home from Vegas.  The life we choose to live...

Back to Vegas, I don't want to go back to Vegas.

We arrive Tuesday afternoon, did the whole rent-a-car thing put the bikes together to get a good spin in for the afternoon.  Turns out I have never ridden in such windy weather before.  Just when I thought Bellingham was windy, let me tell you how windy our ride was.  I think averaged 8 or 9mph heading out, and then coming back we were coasting at 30mph.  Probably not the best "spin" out ride.  Before I knew it, it was Wednesday and 100 degrees.  It's so freakin' hot and dry in Vegas, why would you live there?!!  Anyways, I spent Wednesday prepping for the race that night, which means napping and laying down on the couch and staying out of the sunshine!  We headed out to the races around 5pm, which gave me a chance to watch Chris race the Single Speed race and take 2nd!  Yay, go husband!

As the sun set and moon rose the lights turned on and it was time for me to get ready to race!  I hopped onto a trainer to warm up and my legs felt...totally dead.  Nothing felt right, so I mentally prepared to have an ugly race.  Once the race got started my legs didn't feel as bad as I thought they would, but still lacked the snap I wish I had.  I hung in front group (along with 30 other women) and felt rather comfortable, my breathing was under control and my legs didn't feel like they wanted to die (yet).  I went from 4th wheel to....10th wheel in 1 turn and I was quickly reminded why I suck at road racing!  I can't hold my position to save my life!  No need to do a lap by lap review of the race (mostly because I don't remember every lap and it's boring).  I did my best to hang as long as I could, I really wanted a top 10 finish, but that result wasn't in the legs for the day and I finished 11th.  I'm pretty happy with how my race went, the field was stacked with awesome riders and I managed to pull out an 11th place (2 spots better than last year).  Of course I can always think of places in the race where it could have gone better, but it didn't, so no dwelling on the past!

I'm very grateful to be where I am in my racing and I hope to only get stronger and faster.

Thursday morning Chris and I packed the car up and drove to the airport and headed home, sleep deprived and everything!  I think I spent the next 3 days catching up on my sleep!

Next up was a fun local race at home and then a flight out East to race Gloucester and Providence.  Recaps soon!

Starcrossed and all of its lessons

Have I ever mentioned how much I love racing in the dark?  I am pretty sure racing in the night under the lights is my all time favorite type of racing.   Come to think of it, I believe some of my best results have come from me racing in the dark.  

I know it has been far too long since I last posted an update about my life, so why not talk racing.  First things first, I never mentioned my team!  I'm racing for Rock Lobster, out of Santa Cruz, California. I was waiting to make this announcement until I received my bikes so I could post pretty pictures, but I don't have those yet and I want to share my joy with all of you!  I feel so lucky and privileged to get to race with such an awesome group of people on such awesome and beautiful bikes.

It is pretty safe to say, cyclocross season is here and I'm ready to rock. I have my first race out of the way along with my first UCI race done!  My debut race this season was the MFG opener at Big Finn Hill in Kirkland, and I barely squeezed out a win in front of my pal Jess, who is stronger than ever and has been working hard on improving her techy skills, and it shows!  I then raced the Men Cat3 race to finish a solid 13th of 50, pretty good. I'm glad I raced the double race day, as it cleared out the cob webs from my lungs and got my legs under me for Starcrossed the following weekend!

No matter how much anxiety racing causes me, I still go back for more. I won't lie and say the past month I have thought about quitting and taking the easy way out and changing my lifestyle from a bike racer to.....well.....something else.  I ask myself, is all this anxiety worth it?  Is the pressure worth it?  I then quickly remind myself, abso-freakin-lutely.  The spectators, the silliness, the pain cave, the fans, the pros, the achievement, the ability to push myself beyond the imaginable, is all worth it.  This is me, this is what I want, this is what I'm going for.  To answer my question "is the anxiety worth it"?  The four days of anxiety in my chest, the rapid heart beat, the self talk, the day dreams of racing wondering how I will match up, it's all so worth it.  I am so lucky to be where I am today.

Starcrossed.  The anxiety. The line up. The front row.

I had a great start, second wheel after the first turn, stayed second or third wheel for the first half of the race. I realized, I can do this, I can rock this freakin' sport.  After about 25 minutes the front groupo dwindled down to 3, then it was 2, myself and Gabby Day (erg, I heard she got married....).  A little before 2 laps to go Gabby's crazy strong legs, superwoman lungs, and incredible cross skills out powered me.  Behind me about 15 seconds was a three (then two women) groupo chasing hard!  I knew the best I could do was hold them off, since with every turn Gabby was putting seconds into me, she wasn't catchable.  I spent the last two laps of the race pressing hard, trying not to crack, doing my best to hold off a fast charging Mical Dyck and Sue Butler.  I came across the line in 2nd, barely holding Mical off (6 seconds)!

A few things to highlight from race night. First things first, the crowds, the cheering, the people, my homies, my pals, my family!!!  My hometown competitors and their children yelling my name, Alex over the mic, the beer garden spectators, people yelling split times.  Every

where along the course someone was yelling my name and cheering for me.  YOU are the reason I can keep going and keep pressing on, so thank you. Thank you to everyone for all your continued support!!!

Secondly, I feel so lucky to have been at the front of this race. In the 45 minutes of racing I learned SO much about racing, and about my racing!  I have Gabby to thank for this (and she probably has no idea)!  First of all, I don't pedal enough. Never stop pedaling, always press on.  I realized I was coasting on some of the bumpy stuff, and that's silly because every time you don't pedal, you lose a second, before you know it, you're gapped.  Pedal through turns, I need to work on pedaling through turns.  I also need to work on going harder when I am already going hard.  There's a very large difference between a World Cup racer and myself when it comes to cross specific skills. Things to work on, be smooth and be fast.  Gabby was off her bike and on her bike in one fair swoop, extremely smooth and very talented, I'm so lucky to have had the chance to race with her, it showed me things I need to work on that racing locally doesn't do.

Since a disappointing race at nationals last year I have wanted to come back with vengeance this season, get better results, and find a sponsor and a team.  The best thing I knew I had to do to take it up a level was hire a coach, so I'm happy to say Kristi Berg has taken on the task to help me this season, we have been working together since August and I am so excited to see how the rest of the season will pan out.  She knows her stuff and is such a positive person to be around, I can already tell she is going to help drastically with rest and specific workouts, mid season peaks, and  nationals.  Thank you Kristi!!!!!!!!

The following day was Chris's and my 1 year anniversary.  So naturally, we had the breakfast of champions....cake and coffee.  MMMMMMMMMMMM

Updates

Dear Blog Readers, Updates on how the beginning of the CX season is going will be here soon, I promise!  This is a crazy life I'm living right now and I have finally set aside some time to sit at my computer (I should be making dinner, I'm starving)!

First things first, I am SO excited and thrilled to be racing the UCI calendar this year (once again).  Although I wont be hitting a race every single weekend (which is a good thing), I will be trying to get to as many races as possible.  This year I am lucky enough to ride with the Bicycle Bluebook/HRS/Rock Lobster team out of Santa Cruz, California!  They are a fantastic group of awesome riders and I feel so blessed to be welcome to the team!  I also get the privilege of riding a custom Rock Lobster frame! I am SO stoked for this!

Although I have found a team to ride for that also races at the UCI level, the financial support necessary to get to the races is extremely limited.  I have had a couple people generously donate some miles, but aside from that most everything will be coming from my pocket.  I am not good at asking people for things, let alone money, so I created a simple fundraiser website to spread the word about getting me to UCI races.  Want to help?  The link is:

http://www.youcaring.com/other/help-me-chase-my-dreams/85325

With this, I have discovered how amazing my cyclocross community is.  Within 24 hours I had more people donating $$ than I ever thought possible.  I can't even thank you enough for helping me out a long the way, your generosity means more than words can explain.  I have decided to go all in this year, and if I can't find any sponsorship for next year, I'm all out.  I can't continue to ask people for help, I'm given a 2nd chance this year to follow my dreams and I hope that this year something good will come of it.  Thank you everyone for your continued support of my racing endeavors, thank you to my husband for helping me and allowing me to be gone for weeks at a time.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I have also teamed up with Ryan Rickerts of the Cascade Cyclocross Series and I am going to help him with one of his races over the weekend of THe Cross Border Clash (Nov. 2nd and 3rd).  We are hoping for a beer garden and raffle, and other fun things.  Mark your calendar now, because I promise the course is fantastic and you will love every part of the day!!!!

Cyclocross WHAAAA?! It's coming my friends!

Okay, let me describe to you the name of this post.  I like to come up with weird and creative post titles, that way, you want to read my blog.  It works right? Enough of that. Let me tell you what has been up in my department of things, you know, other than crashing and not being able to mountain bike!  Good news is, I'm back on my mountain bike, thanks to...you guessed it!!!  My trusty chiropractor.  Seriously amazing, one day I'm in the pain, the next day it's gone.

I'm side tracked.

An update on my future, my cyclocross "career" <---I'm funny right?  I have been (half heartedly) working on this coming season.  I had my feelings, my dreams, and my confidence completely crushed back in June.  No need to mention names, basically I was lied to, straight to my face, by someone in the industry, and what I learned is this, trust no one but yourself until you see the final product.  It's easy to say "yes, I can do that", "yes, I want you", but the follow through apparently is the hardest part.  It has been over a month, and I still think about this and it always makes me second guess my self and my abilities, thinking, perhaps I'm just not that good.  So, without the help of someone who claimed they would "take care of me", I'm venturing forward with the help of my dear friend Dave who will take care of me!  So far for the season I have some great companies stepping up on the plate to help me:

Mad Fiber is once again on board, this time I will have 2 pairs of wheels!  I can't describe to you how excited I am to be able to ride the Mad Fiber wheels again.  I can seriously feel a difference when I ride the wheels, they are first and foremost extremely light, which is huge in CX.  Because they are light, they spin up really fast and allow for great acceleration out of the corners.  AND on a nice bumpy course, they take the bump right out of it and I glide over the top of the bumps (that's actually probably because of my amazing ninja skills......jk, it's the wheels).

What good are wheels without tires?  Donn Kellogg at Clement (also the Raleigh-Clement team director) has  stepped up to the plate to equip me with some superior traction on my Mad Fiber wheels PLUS some to train with.  Once I get on the tires I will have more to say, but for now I will say this: I hear from numerous sources that these tires rock, so I'm pretty stoked to be lucky enough to ride on some Clement tires for the season.

Clif.  I have boasted about Clif for quite some time now, they take care of all my nutritional needs while riding.  Have I mentioned to you all the product that Clif has?  Many people don't realize this, but Clif offers much more than just a Clif Bar, did you know they own Luna as well?  Luna makes some pretty tasty treats for women, but men can have them too!  My favorite Clif products include their Mojo Bars and Shot Blocks.  I'm currently obsessed with the Margarita and Strawberry flavored Shot Blocks.

Bike.  This is not ready to be mentioned yet, but I will tell you soon enough.

The biggest problem and challenge these days is the financial part of racing.  Any readers out there have any solutions for rinding financial sponsorship?!

ALSO, I decided I need a coach, so I set myself forth and am starting with some coaching.  So far I have made it this far just doing my own thing.  And when  say doing my own thing, I literally mean riding my bike when I want to and fast or slow when I want to.  I have never really followed any sort of training plan, so I decided it was time to get serious, so I'm putting my game face on and I'm doing this!

In the mean time, look what I did over the weekend!  Newhalem to Washington Pass and back to Newhalem.  85 miles with 7500ish feet of climbing in the beautiful North Cascades.  This is what I thrive on, beautiful riding in the sunshine.  I'm so lucky.

Woe is me, I race bikes, what am I doing?

Although sometimes it feels like cross season just ended, in reality I'm halfway through the "off" season of CX.  Since CX seems to start in September, I am nearly 4 months away from the start of a new season and I'm wondering what the heck am I going to do?

Am I good enough to go after a dream that only few accomplish?

What's the point of what I am doing, and can I even make this happen?

Woe is me, my life is tough, I know.

It's that time of year where I'm supposed to think about sponsorship for next year, and honestly, I don't even know where to begin.  I go up, I go down.  I wonder if it's even worth my time to try to go after something that could be so far fetched.  I don't even know where to start looking for sponsorship, or how to ask for things I need.  I'm at a total loss of what to do.  Do I hang up the dream, work more, and stay local and just have fun?  Or do I keep pushing forward looking to get challenged by faster, stronger females.

Every time I log onto Facebook I'm reminded of all the Pro's that have sponsorship and literally living their "dream" of racing bikes, and quite frankly it depresses me.  A dream shouldn't ever make you feel like crap, a dream should lift you up, make you feel confident, give you butterflies, it should make you smile.  A dream should help to push you forward in your adventures and desires, but right now, I feel like it's pulling me back and putting me down.

The industry is growing, but it's shrinking at the same time.  Sponsorship is hard to come by, money doesn't grow on trees and race promoters and teams don't have endless supplies of it, but yet the amount of racers is increasing yearly.  How much potential do you think slips through the cracks because of this?  I think a lot does, because how does one stand out from someone else?

Looking back at last season, if I had to do it again the way I did last year, honestly, I wouldn't.  I need people around me, I need support, I need help.  Nearly every race I was a wondering around hobo looking for someone to help me.  If I learned anything, it was that people are very generous and willing to help, but if you don't ask for it, you wont get it.  Do I regret every race and every bit of travel from last year?  NO way, I had the time of my life and I wouldn't take it back for anything.  

I know my life is really complicated, right?